I'm eating all of the evidence.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
