She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
