Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
