Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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