not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
