Im at strip club and am horny
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
