i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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