i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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