Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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