I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Non-Jews are for practice
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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