Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
