Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
