so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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