I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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