i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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