Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
