She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
