it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
