also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
