Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
