Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
