Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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