He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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