his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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