I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
