dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
