At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
