he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
