i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
