I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
