I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
