I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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