yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
