I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
