I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
