I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
