i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
