guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
