My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
