This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
