I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
