WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
