so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
