its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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