at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
