So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
