Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
