Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
