with your own penis?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
