you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
