you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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