All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
