i just wanna soil my oats bro
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
